I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
