Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
