all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
