Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
