I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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