U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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