I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
