On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
