WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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