You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
