i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize