just come out here and I will go home with you...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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