shes about as inviting as chlamydia
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
