Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
