That's when you crack a 10am beer
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
