You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
