Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
