If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
