Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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