He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
