just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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