your thong is hanging out like whoa
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
love makes seman taste better
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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