my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
