ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
