She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize