I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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