Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
