OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
