Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize