what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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