I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
