Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
i now understand why vodka
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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