You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize