From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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