Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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