3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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