too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
