Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
