so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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