its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
