When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's blow job season.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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