i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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