Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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