i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize