you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Can you bring me the toilet please
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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