it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize