birth control should be required to get into college
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
