Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
