You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
