Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
