haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
