it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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