I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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