It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
