I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize