Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
