the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
