You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
