So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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