Pappa wants mamma naked
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
