So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
