I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
