i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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