OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Let's get the cat blown out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
