as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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