I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
