Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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