sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
