The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
