It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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