just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
