You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
