Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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