Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
