nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
