How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
this hospital has no fireball
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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