Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
