Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
