After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
