One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize