Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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