He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
