i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
