My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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