She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
