Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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