you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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