I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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