i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
