we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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