So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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