xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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