I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I smell like Dick and happiness
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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