Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize