Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
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