I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
