I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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