so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
