i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
