i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
