Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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