We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
