Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
