She is in my trunk
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
