HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
