I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There r osticjed everywhere
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
